How To Deal With An Asshole!

How To Deal With An Asshole!

Aug 17

When I got out of my relationship with the ultimate asshole I went through a period of being an asshole magnet.

I found most assholes to be angry individuals.  They say like energy attracts like energy and since I was a pretty angry CHICK at the time, the attraction made sense.

But, even if you’re in a more peaceful place, life guarantees you’ll still have a few a-hole run-ins.

photo: monimix

So how do we handle these asshole encounters?

I don’t know about you, but assholes, also known as villains, always seem to sneak up on me when I least expect it.  Often times I’ll just shut down, anxiously waiting for the situation to be over.

As superheroes we need to develop skills to handle the unexpected. Here are a few tactics to use when an asshole a.k.a. a villain enters your energy space.

1. Ignore them.

One way to ignore a villain is to simply walk away.  Many times we freeze in fear caught in the funky energy of a villain.  It takes courage to physically remove yourself from their hold.  Walking away in order to avoid stupid ass, useless conflict will speak volumes.

If you have to continue your interaction with the villain, act like you didn’t hear or see their actions.  Now you may be thinking, but that’s what most people do.  Yes, but here’s the thing, most people ignore a villain because they’re uncomfortable.  Their response comes from fear and weakness.  It’s your intention behind this approach that makes the difference.

When you ignore a villain you are consciously choosing to diffuse their negative power by giving no energy to their low level behavior.  The villain will feel the difference.

One warning about this tactic.  When you ignore a villain they may up the ante and come back at you more aggressively.  Remember, their goal is to impose themselves on you so they can feel more powerful.  Try some of the other tactics if ignoring them doesn’t work.

2. Stand strong.

The great thing about this tactic is that it may prevent a confrontation before it ever happens.  Villains are like dogs, they can smell fear and will take advantage.  They also know when they’re in the presence of an alpha who won’t tolerate their behavior.

Underneath a villain’s tough exterior is usually a weakling just trying to feel better about themselves.  They’re looking for easy prey.

To stand strong make eye contact when they interact with you.  In your mind think “My energy is strong”.  Your behavior shouldn’t be aggressive, we’re not trying to stoop to their level, it just needs to come from a centered, confident place.  They’ll get the message.

3. Be nice, stay calm.

When in the company of a villain it’s important to stay emotionally detached and not take anything they do personally.  Remember, this is their shit not yours.

Villains expect you to either cower in fear or retaliate.  It will totally throw them off their game if you blanket them with kindness.

Focus on your breath to help you tap into your compassion for this person and connect with their pain.  Your action can be as simple as listening to them and attempting to understand where they are coming from.

Be aware, this approach can take some practice as it is easy to get sucked into their lower level energy space if they don’t respond how you’d like.

4. Perform an energy shift.

This tactic takes the be nice, stay calm approach to the next level.

The idea is to concentrate on sending out positive energy ahead of you to touch everyone you come in contact with.  The goal is to make your uplifting energy contagious, but the trick is not to force it.  You can’t control others.  The best way to have an impact on others is to focus on creating the energy in yourself you’d like to see others emit.

So when a villain appears don’t focus on trying to change them.  Instead, continue to give attention to lifting your energy level and transmitting your feel-good vibes outwards.

I used this tactic on a grouchy ticket clerk once while checking in for a flight.  I was amazed at how quickly her demeanor changed.  We were laughing and joking together by the end of our short time together.

5. When all else fails, kick some ass.

This is a last resort tactic and one to use only when you or someone around you is in physical danger and has no other out.

Superheroes avoid violence at all costs but having the skills to protect oneself is important and can actually serve as a preventative measure against violence.

photo: hillergoodspeed

I used to study Kung Fu and worked my way up to being a green belt.  Once while practicing one of the forms I whacked myself in the forehead with the nub of one of my fingers and almost knocked myself out.  The Grand Master was thoroughly amused as I had to sit down for 15 minutes to wait for the wooziness to pass.

It was that moment that made me realize just how powerful I was.  I started to carry myself in the world differently.  Knowing I could defend myself should the need arise, made me feel more confident and everyone I came in contact with sensed this.

Women especially, have been socially conditioned to believe we are the weaker sex physically.  On a sub-conscious level we carry this around with us every day.  So, even if you never use them, possessing the skills to whoop someone’s ass will help keep you strong and centered and repel villains at the same time.  Remember, they don’t like to mess with alpha females.

6 Magic Moves To Win A Street Fight

Always Remember Your Duty

At the height of my angry period I used to walk down the street intent on not being submissive to men I encountered.  Dealing with a man staring at my breasts or making a disrespectful comment had taken its toll and so I turned the tables.

Every time I found myself walking towards a man I would stare at their crotch thinking in my head “Fuck you, now you get to see what it feels like”.  It didn’t matter whether they had done something to provoke me or not, I did it anyway.  I enjoyed making them feel uncomfortable.  This was me being an asshole.

As the outrage brought on from my past relationship subsided, I realized my anger had really been about me desperately trying to regain some sense of self and reconnect with my power.

It’s important to remember this is what assholes are usually struggling with. As superheroes, our duty is to help uplift others whenever possible so we can help facilitate everyone’s evolution and change the world.

How have you dealt with assholes you’ve encountered?  Are there times when you were an asshole?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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4 comments

  1. Jo

    Well written. It’s hard to learn to shift from fear to connecting to one’s own power. I still dip my toe in the fear part too frequently.

    I’m smiling over turning the tables. My mother actually used to do that. She shared that trick with me when I was in college. lol I think it gave her the power she needed because she could never figure out any other way.

    • kai

      Jo, I’m with you. It’s so easy to go back to taking a dip in the fear pool. I figure the more we practice the better we’ll get at avoiding that pool. :) Love that your mother shared shifting the energy with you…one superCHICK handing down superpowers to the next generation of superCHICK. Awesome!

  2. Kier

    There’s a scene in the classic film Cool Hand Luke where Luke, played by Paul Newman, gets into a fight with the biggest, baddest, dude in the work camp. He really doesn’t stand a chance, but there’s really no way out.

    He gets knocked down, hard, but picks himself back up. Then he gets knocked down again. And gets up again. And again. And again. Before long, everyone in the gathered crowd is yelling for him to just stay down, but he keeps getting back up.

    He won that fight, not by beating the other guy, but by winning over the crowd and by not giving up.

    I used a variation of this tactic once upon a time. Some dude tried to pick a fight with me by telling me I danced like an idiot. Well, he was right. I looked ridiculous out there on the dance floor. This wasn’t news to me. So I agreed with him. He kept trying to insult me along the same lines, but, since I wasn’t really offended by his observation at all, I kept agreeing with him.

    Needless to say, he got very frustrated and the gathered crowd quickly got bored. He just walked away.

    And I went back to dancing like a fool.

    • kai

      That is such a great scene from Cool Hand Luke to share with us Kier. I absolutely love it! But your personal story was way better. You are one badass superDUDE!!!