The whoisCH!CK Origin Story

It was a chilly winter night. I was in bed reading, cozy under the blankets, when my boyfriend came home. He slipped into the bed next to me to cuddle. We could hear the upstairs neighbor walking around above us.

My boyfriend asked, “Do you think he’d ever come down here?”

I was confused. “What?”

“What would you do if he did?” He said.

I laughed nervously. He wasn’t making any sense.

My boyfriend reached under his side of the bed. “If he ever comes down here I have this!” He turned back towards me, one of my kitchen knives clenched in his hand.

I froze.

A million thoughts flashed through my mind…

…Am I going to die?
Where’s Foxxie (my dog)?
How can I get out of the bed and at least be in a standing position in case he tries to stab me.
HOW THE HELL LONG HAS THAT KNIFE BEEN UNDER THE MATTRESS!?
I knew I should have broken up with this motherfucker a long time ago…and now look…DAMN IT! Trapped!

Stay calm. Breath…

I tried to talk him down, convinced him to let me call his mother and one of his friends. I was crying on the phone, frantic, “He’s got a knife. He’s not making sense.”

They told me to get him to take a shower, maybe he’d snap out of it. I said someone needed to come over…

…no one came.

He remained paranoid, holding onto the knife even when he insisted we go to bed. I lay stiff on the edge of the bed, hoping I’d make it through the night.

The next morning, he went to take a shower as if nothing had happened. While he was in the shower, I took the key to my apartment off his key ring, called a girlfriend and went into hiding for a few days.

It was the hardest and the best thing that ever happened to me!

I was very weak emotionally. During our relationship my boyfriend had convinced me I was nothing without him and I was still vulnerable to the stranglehold he had over me. My brother was conspiring behind the scenes, unbeknownst to me, and got my boyfriend a one-way ticket to Sweden where he’d wanted to teach teachers English.

It was the break I needed to regain some sense of myself. When my ex returned, ready to pick things up where they left off, I was strong enough to say

fuck you!

After three and a half years of trying to prove to him I was worthy (what up with that!?!?!), I had finally reached my breaking point. Shazaam! The superhero within was taking her first peak at daylight.

I spent years jumping from relationship to relationship looking for love and acceptance and for the first time in my life I wasn’t going to jump into another relationship.

Okay granted, no one was really checking for an emotionally beat down, desperately sad, insecure, CH!CK..but that’s beside the point.

I HAD BROKEN THE CYCLE!

And thus began the journey of hanging out with me, myself and I.

It wasn’t pretty.

I asked myself lots of questions like, Who am I? What do you like? What don’t you like?

I had no clue!

I cried a lot. Talked to myself… “You’re such a loser!” Asked my friends what I did to deserve this? Tried to go back to my old ways and jump into another relationship. The result…


I cried some more. Got really angry. My asshole boyfriend had sure done a job on me.

But then I had a moment of clarity.


My boyfriend hadn’t done a job on me.  I had done a job on me by allowing someone like that to be a part of my life.

And that was the beginning of me rising up from the depths of despair. A place where my spirit was treading water in the middle of the ocean, no land in sight, with only half a nostril above water, gasping for air.

I had taken my first stroke towards the shore by taking responsibility for my choices. The healing process had begun.

I became a book junkie, discovering how powerful we are as human beings. Like, did you know our bodies have amazing healing powers when we tap into our internal energy systems Like, our intuition or our gut can help steer us from danger and guide us in realizing our dreams.

I’m nearing the shore and realize I want to share all the things I’ve learned, and am still learning from that low point in my life. So, being an artist, I decided to continue the journey with CH!CK, a project that blends entertainment and fun with self-discovery.

I hope you’ll join us on the adventure.