On the spiritual plane, you have no competitors. There is no competition for your position, as you are a unique expression of the Mind of God. You not only have a place in the universe; you have an essential function in the universe. Only you can do the job of being you, and the universe itself is left incomplete without you. It is not arrogant but humble to realize this, as you place yourself in service to the greatest drama there is: the actualization of your own potential.

~ Marianne Williamson

He stood over her, an eager knight-in-shining-armor, except his armor was a cracked, leather motorcycle jacket.

Her eyes sparkled as she peaked up at him from under her helmet.

They giggled, purposely knocking their hard hats together, sharing a helmet kiss.

He double checked her chin strap, then lingered, stealing a real kiss.

She slid behind him wrapping her arms around his waist as he revved his Harley.

They looked so happy and peaceful, a perfect compliment to the warm, autumn morning.

I felt a pang of jealousy as I watched them sail off down the road.

Where was my knight-in-shining-armor?

The street was empty.

I guess he wasn’t showing up today.

Making Friends With Jealousy And Envy

I used to feel horrible when jealousy or envy came to visit. They made me feel uncomfortable and embarrased, like that one relative you always try to avoid at family functions.

It sucked having to admit any connection to these emotions.

I noticed when things were going well in my life, J & E didn’t come around much.

If I was struggling with life, suddenly they were banging on my door every other day.

At first I pretended I wasn’t home. I ignored their incessant knocking.

But then one day, out of sheer frustration, I let them in.

We sat on the couch together and I discovered they had a message for me.

JEALOUSY: We notice some bitterness in you lately.

ENVY: That girl who’s career you wish you had…

JEALOUSY: Heh heh. Yeah, I gotta kick outta that stomach ache you got when her TV show premiered.

I bowed my head in shame.

ENVY: Don’t feel bad. That stomach ache had nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.

JEALOUSY: It’s our way of lighting a fire under ya.

ENVY: Help you to zero in on what’s missing in your life.

That little convo was eye-opening for me.

All jealousy and envy were doing, was shining a light on areas of my life where I had dissatisfaction.

Jealousy and envy were inviting me to be more honest with myself.

Instead of hating the people who made me jealous, they could be my guides. They could inspire me and serve as a starting point to help me figure out what I needed to do to get what I wanted.

Since that day I’ve learned a lot from hanging with jealousy and envy:

• Discovering a passion I didn’t know I had.
• Getting hints at what my purpose in life might be.
• Bringing to the forefront things I needed to face in my life.
• Realizing I was in denial about something.
• Clarity with how to realize a goal.
• Learning to trust and realize there is enough space for everyone to flourish.

Now, I thank jealousy and envy every time they come to visit me. They’re my built-in wake up call.

Oh, and as for my lovebird neighbors I watched with longing.

Jealousy told me, given the lack of men in my living room, I might want to get out of the house a little more.

How about you? Do you struggle with jealousy or envy? Have you learned anything from these emotions?

“You are such a fucking loser!”

Those were the words I caught myself muttering under my breath.

Who was I talking to?

Me!

Yikes!, was my next thought.

Did I talk to myself like that all the time?

Frankly, until that moment, I hadn’t noticed.

From that day forward I paid closer attention, and what I discovered WAS NOT CUTE!

My thoughts were berating me all day long.

I discovered my negative self-talk years ago. It was during a very rough patch in my life.

At the time, I was so desperate for change, I resorted to something that seemed stupid and silly.

Affirmations.

I recorded a bunch of affirmations and played them morning, noon and night.

They helped me rewire my brain and start to see myself in a more positive light.

Your Thoughts Create Your World

Not only do our thoughts determine our emotional state, they can literally affect your physical world.

Skeptical?

Check this out.

I injured my back in my early twenties.

By my mid-thirties I had pretty much accepted I’d have daily back pain for the rest of my life.

But then I met a guy named Frank Titus. He helped me fix my back.

The therapy consisted of me doing twenty minutes of daily exercises.

But here’s what’s deep.

About seven months into the physical therapy we hit a block. I felt better, but there was a knot in my lower back we couldn’t get to no matter what exercises Frank gave.

One day, while doing my exercises, I noticed my thoughts.

“You’re never going to get rid of this back pain completely.”

I had gotten so used to dealing with the discomfort I couldn’t see my life any other way.

After that I consciously attached positive affirmations to my back exercises routine.

Within two weeks the final knot released!

Negative self-talk is so ingrained in our daily behavior, more often than not we don’t even notice we’re doing it.

So the first step is noticing, then you can neutralize the negative thoughts with positive ones.

The Mirror Of Awesome

After my post about the Dove video, I got messages from several people saying how hard it was to describe their beautiful traits.

“All the more reason to get your butt over to the comments and describe yourself”, I said.

They didn’t.

It made me sad.

So here’s a fun and less public exercise.

I can’t help it. I’m on a “love yourself” mission.

• Pick a mirror in your house, the one you use the most.
  This will become your official Mirror Of Awesome.
• Any time you look in that mirror you must say at least one ridiculously nice thing to yourself.
• If you catch yourself saying something unkind, immediately neutralize this by saying three nice things about yourself.

CH!CK Vibe Affirmations

I love affirmations but a lot of times the wording is… well… kinda whack.

So I came up with a few affirmations that seem more fitting for hip, funky, no-nonsense superCH!CKs like yourselves.

You can right click and download the graphic or an audio recording of the affirmations. Or download both!

{click to enlarge}

If mine don’t work for you, make up your own.

If you’re not feeling an audio recording, write affirmations on your mirror so you see them everyday.

At one point I had affirmations on every mirror in my apartment. That was eight constant reminders.

Do you use affirmations? What are your favorites? Let’s make a list in the comments everyone can borrow from.

Perched on the couch, I nervously waited my turn.

Two other women shared the sofa with me, all of us anxious to know the same thing…

Why were we still single?

There were twenty people in the room and the three women looking for love had somehow gravitated, like magnets, to the same couch.

Funny how like energy attracts like.

We hoped for an answer from the woman standing in the middle of the room.

She was a psychic.

Each guest had been granted the chance to ask her one burning question.

One man wanted to know about his recently passed mother.

The psychic connected to his mother on the other side.

The message she brought back left the entire room in tears and the grieving son at peace.

Then came my turn…

What do I need to focus on to attract a loving partner into my life?

She paused, then said she needed to speak to me privately.

All eyes landed on me.

Gulp!

Everyone else had gotten their answers in front of the group.

What had she seen or heard? My stomach did that uncomfortable loopty loop.

Uh oh.

I had asked the Universe to help me practice being more authentic.

Was being more authentic and drawing love into my life connected?

Somehow I knew, the message the psychic had received held an opportunity.

I just didn’t know if I could be brave enough to take it.

Darn you Universe; always ready, willing and eager to give me what I ask for.

Why couldn’t the answer feel like a pillow fight instead of a sucker punch to the belly?

After everyone had gone, the psychic and I spoke in a quiet corner.

When I’d asked my question she had seen a black line. Then a voice had told her to speak to me privately.

“Had something traumatic happened to me as a child?”, she asked.
“No!”, was my initial response.

But as I lay in bed later that night, the little girl in me started to remember…

A family friend placing his hand on my seven year old body where he shouldn’t.
An 8th grade teacher sending me “Do you love me?” notes.
A high school coach justifying a back massage after a workout and making a comment about my bra.

Up until that moment, I had convinced myself these experiences weren’t “that bad”. They could have been much worse, I’d rationalized. I had pushed them aside and moved on.

But the jig was up. The Universe had spoken. To be more of me, I was going to have to visit the dark corners of my soul and shine some light in there.

Cough!

Damn, it was REALLY dusty in here.

I asked the psychic what I needed to do.
“Clear out the emotional energy connected to these events”, she said.

“How do I do that?”
“Energy healing focused on your first chakra.”

It turns out blockages in the first chakra are very common with women which is why I wanted to share my story. Maybe some of you can relate.

I’ve been on a quest to heal and balance my first chakra ever since that memorable night a couple of months ago.

Based on all my research I made a fun, superhero inspired, Root Chakra Infographic for you.

It explores the qualities of the first chakra plus ways to heal it and make it stronger.

Even if you can’t relate to my story a little first chakra clearing never hurt anyone.

{click to enlarge}

Tears streamed down my face.

Listening to the women in the video below was painfully familiar. It reminded me how hard I am on myself.

But here’s what really sucks.  I know how mean I can be and yet I still struggle to change it.

What the hell is up with that!?!?

Okay I know what’s up with that.  The media, advertisers, society all hand us a major mind fuck.

“See those flaws? You should fix that!”

According to Dove, only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.

Damn it! This is a job for the CH!CK Revolution. It’s time we killed this behavior.

You can’t be a superhero if you don’t embrace your own beauty.

In the video Dove shows how we are our own worst beauty critics.

A former forensic artist did two sketches of each participating woman. One sketch was based on the woman’s self-description, the other was based on another person’s description.

Check out the video, then join me below for a one minute act of courage to get the ball rolling in becoming a superhero for yourself.

Here’s the deal.

You’re gorgeous. Plain & simple.  But me saying it doesn’t mean jack if you aren’t saying it.

So I’m asking every woman reading this post to write a comment describing how beautiful they are.

Then I’m asking you to ask every woman you know to post a comment describing how beautiful they are.

I bet you want to brush off the challenge.  Uncomfortable feelings have probably already surfaced.

That’s okay.

Do it anyway.

Dedicate a couple of minutes to get your self-love on.

We are literally ‘more beautiful than we think’ and that needs to change.

I’ve gone first to get the ball rolling. It was really hard. I looked in the mirror, connected to my heart and described myself.

I could tell I wasn’t being as complimentary with myself as I would with someone else, but it’s a start.

Now it’s your turn. Push past the discomfort. I dare you!!!

Cars were squeezed into both sides of the street like sardines. There wasn’t a parking spot to be found near my pad.

I was tired, had a bunch of crap to lug, and now it was going to be a longer than usual walk to my apartment.

As I locked the car, something didn’t feel right. I had a gnawing feeling but couldn’t connect it with anything.

I started walking.

A crow cawed at me as it flew overhead back in the direction of my car.

I paused.

A quiet voice inside my head said, “You need to go back to the car.”

I didn’t know why, but I obeyed.

Peering through the front window, my house keys stared back at me from the passenger seat.

That was one of the first times I became aware of the power of signs and synchronicity in my everyday life.

On a day when I needed a little support, the crow had saved me ten minutes and some inconvenience.

I’ve come to realize there is magic in opening your senses to the deeper meaning of daily life occurrences.

If you want to manifest small miracles on a regular basis to help make your life smoother and easier, then read on.

So What Are Signs?

Signs are the things around you the Universe uses to communicate with you.

They can show up in many different ways.

Your body can give you signs, your surroundings, music, nature, a TV ad.

Signs can come by overhearing other peoples conversations, Freudian slips, anything you think is a mistake may actually be a sign sent as a little message from the Universe for you.

There are lots of great books on the subject of symbolic understanding. I’ve always viewed these guides as a great starting point to get you noticing and being aware.

But ultimately the signs the Universe sends you are very personal. It’s up to you to determine what a sign or occurrence means for you.

For example, many people and cultures view crows as bad omens. For me, the black bird has always served as a positive messenger.

What Is Synchronicity?

Synchronicity was a term originally coined by Carl Jung to describe the meaningful coincidences that occur in your life.

I call synchronicity plugging into the Universe.  The Universe chats to us all the time, but with life as crazy as it is, we have a hard time hearing.

Synchronicities are confirmation that we’re communicating with higher powers.  It’s about possibility and becoming attuned to the help of the Universe.

Some people have a hard time accepting synchronicity. It can be hard to wrap your head around occurrences that don’t logically make sense.

In Patricia Rose Upczak’s book Synchronicity, Signs & Symbols
she shares a great story she heard from Deepak Chopra about chaos theory.

It helped me grasp how the greater forces work.

He asked us to imagine Grand Central Station, with people running and scurrying everywhere to catch trains, and then a call goes out over the loudspeaker that the train on track nine has been changed to track two, etc.

 

On the surface we would see what appears to be random chaos, and yet there is order and specific purpose to the people running all over the place and changing their patterns suddenly.

 

We just don’t have the perspective to see the overall controls in the Universe, so we think everything is random and chaotic, when in actuality it is perfect just the way it is.

How To Listen To The Universe

It can be hard, at first, to embrace the idea of getting guidance from the Universe.

Here are some tips to help you sync up:

1. Detach. Let go of your preconceived ideas of how something should be. Often the Universe brings us guidance in ways we could never have imagined.
2. Remember we are all interconnected. See the world as an extension of yourself.
3. Look for repetition. If you don’t get the message the first time, the Universe will try again. If something keeps showing up in your life, pay closer attention.
4. Get quiet. The Universe isn’t a shouter. It usually sends us messages in a whisper. In order to hear them you must work on getting still. Meditation is great for this. Deep breaths and long walks in nature can also help bring answers and support.
5. Pause. Signs appear and disappear quickly. Like when the crow flew over my head. It can be easy to miss them. Train yourself to pause when something momentarily jumps out at you.

How To Use Signs And Synchronicity

Staying attuned to what is happening around you all the time will make signs and synchronicity become a regular part of your life.

Once you tap in, you can really have some fun and use this connection with the Universe to support and enhance your life.

Solve Problems

This works by asking the Universe for help with something you’re struggling with. Once you ask, your job is to go about your normal life while staying alert. Trust the Universe will bring you an answer.

You can also solve problems by creating a ritual. Having a quiet space you go to when you need help, or going for a walk can help you connect to greater guidance.

I have a girlfriend who connects to the Universe by laying on the couch. When she’s at a lost of what to do she plunks herself on the couch and waits.

There have been times when, minutes after surrendering, she has gotten a phone call or some other sign that solved her problem.

Support Your Dreams And Goals

You probably have some goals you’re focused on right now; personal goals, financial goals, career goals.

The fun and the challenge with goals is that we usually have to become a greater version of ourselves in order to achieve them.

When I open up to guidance from the Universe, I find my goals get achieved in ways I could never have imagined on my own.

Another way I use symbols to support my goals is by choosing a specific thing and assigning a meaning to it. Then every time I see that thing it serves as a reminder of what I’m working towards.

For example, at times I have struggled with financial abundance and believing I deserve to make money doing what I love. To help remind me I am deserving, I chose to make the Bentley Coupe my symbolic reminder.

Every time I see one on the road I take it as a reminder from the Universe that I am deserving of abundance.

I’m amazed how many times that car appears in my world right when I’m starting to question my worth.

Unsolicited Advice

Sometimes symbols can show up from the Universe and address something you hadn’t even thought was a problem.

I went through a period where I would see coyotes all the time. Curious, I looked up the symbolic meaning of them.

I can sometimes struggle with taking things too seriously.

When I looked up coyote in a signs & symbols dictionary this is what I read:

Often called the trickster. Coyote is a sacred symbol. Usually he is telling you to develop your sense of humor, and to learn to laugh at yourself-don’t take yourself too seriously.

I had to chuckle, and now every time I see a coyote I thank the Universe for the reminder to lighten up.

Beautify Your World

Life is such a roller coaster ride. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. To smooth out the ride I surround myself with symbols that have positive meaning for me.

I have always been drawn to elephants and have several of them in my apartment. When I looked up the symbolic meaning of them it made perfect sense why I was drawn to this magnificent animal.

I also have a several Buddha’s in my apartment to symbolize peace and tranquility. With a work life that is ridiculously unpredictable, having a calm living space is very important to me.

Live Your Purpose

Your job as a superhero is to heighten your awareness so you can see the signs from the Universe and use them to discover and serve your purpose for being here.

It’s a natural high when you work in partnership with the cosmos to serve the greater good.

I’ve had fun incorporating symbols into the production design of the CH!CK web series.

The number 33 appears in a pivotal scene of Lisa, the main character’s, journey.

What does 33 symbolize?

All things are possible.

How about you? Got a cool symbolic or synchronicity story? Inspire us in the comments.

I was on the phone with my mom talking about what she was going to wear to my brother’s wedding this summer.

She’d been searching online and started reeling off all these things she’d read about what the mother of the groom “should” wear.

The problem was, none of what they were saying meshed with what she wanted to wear.

This triggered an emotional outburst by me after she had used a word I despise several times.

“SHOULD”

Here’s my problems with that word.

It’s usually connected to one size fits all ideals.

By now you…
“should” be married
“should” have more money
“should” own a home
“should” weigh less
“should” wear this to your son’s wedding

Ideals like these come from parents, teachers, culture, advertising and they never support you being your unique self.

Saying “should” brings up feelings of guilt, helplessness and feeling like a loser.

Think of a situation recently where you used the word “should”.

I “should” return his call.
I “should” go to that party.
I “should” be working.
I “should” be happy.

Repeat whatever it is you said. How does it make you feel?

Whenever I use the word “should”, my stomach does a loopty loop, a sure sign something ain’t right.

It feels like I’m not honoring myself. It’s like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do.

I’m “should-ing” on myself.

What does “should-ing” look like?

Being a people pleaser is a form of “should-ing”.

Doing things out of guilt or a need for approval is a form of “should-ing”.

There’s is nothing worse than conforming your life to someone else’s expectations at the expense of your true self.

When you “should” on yourself you take away your power which is death for a superhero.

HOW TO SWITCH IT UP AND BANISH “SHOULD”

Listen

It can be hard to remove this word from your vocab. It’s been ingrained in us from an early age when our parents were teaching us what we “should” and “shouldn’t” do to protect us.

Sometimes I don’t even notice I’ve used the word.

The first step is gaining awareness of how often you say “should” in your daily life.

Ask the people around you to point it out every time you say it.

Once you’re aware of how often the word creeps into your speech, take it to the next level and, instead of a swear jar, create a “should” jar.

Every time you use “should” in a sentence pop a dollar in the jar. At the end of a week you’ll have a much better idea of how engrained that word is in your life.

Ask

“Should” is connected to our desire to please and be accepted. It’s also connected to worrying about what other’s think.

But to live the life of a superhero means shutting your ears to what “they” think and instead listening to your own heart.

Photo {via}

What does your heart want?

Bravery comes when you commit to honoring your heart even if everyone else looks at you like you’re crazy.

Claim

Don’t think you can just swap out the word “should” for another one like “need”.

It’s about reframing what you’re saying so you take ownership for your actions.

If the “should’s” you’re using are connected to something you want to achieve. Change your language.

Claim it.

“I should exercise” turns into “I choose to exercise.”

Empower yourself.

A Personal Story For The Naysayers

Some of you will want to argue that sometimes “should” means doing the honorable thing.

I acknowledge we all have responsibilities and obligations we have to fulfill even if we don’t want to sometimes.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get clear on when “should-ing” is serving no one.

My dad was ill for over ten years before he passed away a year and a half ago.

There was a point during his illness when I had had enough. My dad was very stubborn and the medication he was on didn’t make it any easier to deal with him at times.

Everyone in the family had taken on different roles as far as how we tried to support my Dad.

I was the kid who called more frequently than everyone else to check up on him. But at a certain point, well into the 10 years, I just couldn’t talk to my dad without getting really angry.

I felt the best thing for me to do was take a break. I felt guilty. Everyone in the family was tired. Dealing with a sick family member is exhausting.

I felt I “should” suck it up and be there for my family. But I knew the best thing for me was to take a break.

So I told everyone I was disappearing for a while and I disconnected from my dad for a couple of months while I re-calibrated.

Now most people would judge me for my choice. I judged myself.

How could you do that, your dad is sick? He can’t help how he is. You need to be the bigger person.

But here’s the thing.

I needed to take a break in order to be that bigger person.

When I reconnected with my dad I was in a better mental and emotional space and able to be more accepting of his choices.

It allowed me to give him what he desperately needed, which was unconditional love. It allowed me to find peace with my dad before he passed away.

I’m almost positive that wouldn’t have happened if I had stuck to the “should” plan.

So trust yourself.

Have faith that supporting yourself is what’s best for everyone in the long run even if, at the time, it seems selfish.

Lead by brave example.

Banish “should” from your existence. Your superhero self depends on it.

And so does my mom’s outfit to the wedding.

Are you “should-ing” on yourself? Share a “should” you’re struggling with in the comments, then switch up your should and make it an “I choose” statement.

Do you have a friend who just has a way with words?

My dad used to be that person before he passed away.

Lately my friend Mari has filled that void.

Every so often, I stumble upon something she’s spontaneously shared on her facebook page that I love so much, I excitedly ask if she’ll give me permission to share it with you here.

Here’s Mari’s compassionate and gentle reminder about what’s important in life.

The sirens I heard coming up the stairs of the subway station came into sharp focus when I saw the bags and body laying on the ground between the legs of the crowd that had gathered. I stopped at the unexpected sight and my heart and stomach sank.

It was an older African American woman with Old Navy bags strewn around her, laying on her side in the cross walk. The people on the sidewalk were silent and watching as the firetruck pulled up at that moment.

I went on my way as my mind drifted to the thought of families. What was in those bags? Were they clothes for her grandchildren? Is there someone waiting for this person to come home?

I felt numb then I felt sad.

Life is like a tightrope and you’re always on the verge of falling off. It’s so easy to forget this while in constant action which only temporarily masks the only unifying truth we all share, that we all will die.

But it’s tragic when it’s sudden and it’s not in the presence of those you love.

Life is so precious people.

Remember that. I need to remember it too. Don’t put off things you love too long assuming that you will be around forever.

Put away the smart phone and look people in the eye. Open the door for someone.

Put good food and nourishing drinks into your body.

Do whatever you do to the best of your ability.

Adopt the “this is it” mentality (taught by Marie Forleo—”don’t wait for the perfect thing…)

THIS RIGHT NOW IS THE PERFECT THING. THIS IS IT”

Forgive your parents.

Stop wasting your time focusing on what you didn’t get and take action to give yourself what you need.

Make time to try new things. Say yes more than you say no.

If that’s not your problem, try saying no more than you say yes.

Get out of the habit of being yourself. Put on someone else’s perspective.

Dress yourself with care. Take care of yourself with the tenderness you would give a baby.

Stop needing to prove anything. Just own that you’re good enough and build the life you love.

Whatever your story is. Just do it. Life is short and precious.

~Mari

In a bit of synchronistic magic, while putting together this post, I discovered this infographic on my friend Niall’s Facebook page.

The Top Ten Regrets In Life By Those About To Die

{click image to enlarge}

Infographic via addicted2success

The Top 10 Regrets:

1. Never pursuing dreams and aspirations
2. I worked too much and never made time for my family
3. I should have made more time for my friends
4. I should have said “I Love You” a lot more
5. I should have spoken my mind instead of holding back and resenting things
6. I should have been the bigger person and resolved my conflicts
7. I wish I had children
8. I should have saved more money for my retirement
9. Not having the courage to live truthfully
10. Happiness is always a choice, I wish I knew that earlier

What are your top regrets in life? Are there things you could do to change that? If you’re reading this it’s not too late. Get started by sharing your thoughts in the comments.

Master Brain Tweaker Princess
Mari’s superpower is re-wiring people’s brains to kick ass in life and love. After spending a decade studying her own grey matter and turning it from an arch nemesis to a trusty sidekick, she shows people how to make their own brains an ally they can count on. Learn more about Mari and her superpower at Miyoshi Method.

Last week I talked about doing a 30 day challenge to help you get out of a funk.

This week I share my personal experience with doing one.

Towards the end of last year my life felt out of whack.

Joy had pretty much left the building.  I was struggling with loneliness and funk was in full effect.

My response to unhappiness is to work more. It’s my way of not dealing with the pain.

During a conversation with a girlfriend we decided to be accountability partners for a 30 day challenge.

I knew I wanted to do something to thwart my 14 hour work days and so the 30 days of happiness challenge was born.

The goal was simple, do something every day that made me happy.

Going in I was hesitant and nervous. My addiction to work wasn’t going to be easy to conquer.

Before starting I took some time to reflect on what made me happy and realized I needed to make loving myself a priority.

Below are excerpts from the emails I sent to my accountability partner during those 30 days. Warning some content NSFW.

Day 1: F.L.Y.
So my motto for this 30 day challenge is F.L.Y. (first love yourself)

I put together a montage of pics just to inspire and remind me to do that.

My biggest challenge will be making sure I get off the computer in a timely manner to do some f.l.y.ing!

Today I stopped working just after 7:30.

Having a clean apartment makes me happy but the actual cleaning doesn’t so am sort of incorporating it into the 30 days by dedicating a 1/2 hour each day, when I can, to cleaning up.

I’m surprised how much you can get cleaned up in a half hour and I felt great afterward.

Then I decided to just chill in the living room a place I rarely hangout in during the week. Lit some candles and essential oils. It smelled heavenly in there.

This is how I envision my apartment being every evening.

Next time I will play some relaxing music too. It was hard for me to wind down but I hope that will get easier as I get used to the idea of shutting down from work.

Decided to watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang because there’s a lot of stuff in that movie that makes me laugh, I love the story and Robert Downey Jr. is great.

Day 2: Sex Ed.
I finished work a little after 5:30! I’m quite thrilled with this given I had two auditions and took my elderly neighbors to the hairdresser.

After work I cleaned up for half an hour and managed to squeeze in 20 minutes of yoga too before my main F.L.Y. activity for the day.

Tonight I went to a workshop at the Pleasure Chest which is a store that sells Adult Sex Toys.

Sex Nerd Sandra is a woman who does a weekly podcast about sex. I listened to one a few months ago that had me cracking up the entire time.

The workshop was about oral sex. It was hilarious and really informative. She even demonstrated some blow job techniques with a strap-on the girl she was doing the workshop with put on.

I bought myself some sexy stockings and was going to buy this fun “better blow jobs” kit but my stomach did a twirly twirl when I considered that.

Although I love to please my partner, when I have one, I realized right now it is about pleasing me so I bought myself a cute little purse vibrator instead. :love:

I came home got myself some desert from the grocery store next door and had a cup of my favorite tea from France while I wrote this.

Here are all the goodies I bought and/or enjoyed this evening. I’m going to try a couple of the techniques they suggested at the workshop when I go to bed. :X

An interesting thing happened when I was at the store. First, a lot of very attractive younger people seem to frequent the grocery store at 11 o’clock at night. There were quite a few couples buying sweet things to eat.

Usually my response to all this is “I am never going to find a partner”. But tonight spontaneously my thought was “I wonder where he is?”.

My thoughts are always a great gauge for me. Committing to my happiness seems to have a positive impact on my thoughts. The F.L.Y.ing is already working!!

Oh and they gave us this fun Yes, No, Maybe List that you can do with your partner so you can each learn what the other likes.

They role played doing the list. So great for communication.

Here’s a link to the list if you’re interested.

Day 3: Play time in the bath

Today I stumbled upon a Facebook post about this guy’s site www.listentolaughter.com.  It’s a site that features nothing but videos of people laughing.

I loved this video of Tickle Me Elmo. The dog freaking out is hilarious.

I totally missed the whole Tickle Me Elmo craze but I so want to buy one of these toys.

I struggled today with working on a pitch document for CH!CK and after reading some stuff on play and it’s connection to creativity I realize I would like to create some playful elements in my work space. I will ponder more on this.  Got any suggestions?

The other reason I mention this is because I tend to measure my state of mind partly by what gets drawn into my awareness, so discovering this site is another subtle indication of the F.L.Y.ing effect.

Today I stopped work a little after 4:30. I committed to plans for dinner so wanted to get in my scheduled happy activity prior.

Today was play in the bath day. I kind of came up with it spontaneously after reading about how playing is a really valuable thing to do so I decided to take a bath like how we used to when we were kids.

First, I gave myself a facial with this amazing organic product. Inhaling the smell alone could be considered a happy activity.

Taking a bath like a kid meant not worrying about my hair getting wet. (women of color will understand this. Ha ha)

I also put on my swim goggles and just played around in the bathtub.

I discovered the little vibrator I purchased yesterday is waterproof, so had a little fun with that too.

I spent a fun 45 minutes in the bathroom before heading out to dinner.

The big realization today is that I haven’t had one moment of feeling lonely in the three days of doing this challenge.

Given my daily struggle with this, the turnaround is pretty big. Even when I thought about the reason why I get lonely, being single, I couldn’t seem to dig up any feelings of loneliness.

Fascinating!

Day 4: Receiving Love

Today I continued to struggle with the pitch I’m working on and felt very grumpy.

M, a cute guy I hang with on occasion called spur of the moment wanting to stop by and work on some lines for an acting thing he had.

I said no I have too much work to do. He said he could come over just for a few minutes to give me a hug. At first I said no but then I remembered I was supposed to be F.L.Y.ing and so said yes.

In truth I had been sitting at the computer for too many hours struggling and what I really needed to do was step away for a minute and take a break.

He came over and gave me the best hug, even talked through what I was struggling with in this pitch I’m writing and when he left I felt sooooooo much better. It helped carry me through the day.

I am enjoying the spontaneous, unexpected happy actions quite a bit.

Lesson Learned: Always accept offers of love and support, especially when grumpy.

Today my happy task was to enjoy some quality time with my brother who came into town tonight.

I told him about my 30 day challenge and he was all down to help. Given we are headed out early tomorrow we decided to just walk down the street to a cute strip of restaurants by my house.

I consumed a little alcohol tonight and have been quickly convinced alcohol is not my ticket to happiness.

The buzz does nothing for me but make we want to go to bed.

Still had a fun time sitting at the French restaurant with my brother, catching up and sipping a peach sparkly drink.

Day 5: Checking Something Off The Bucket List

Today I went and watched one of my favorite athletes play their sport live!!!! Tiger Woods!!!!

My brother flew into town to come with me to the golf tournament.

I love spending time with my brother so it made the day extra special. This pic of us was especially fun because we were on the actual golf course!!

So much fun even with it raining for the entire morning. I was so happy all day, being outside and the beautiful smells because of the rain gave me bonus happiness for the day.

They prohibit taking pictures at the tournament which sucks. They actually confiscated some people’s phones and erased the pics they took but my brother took a ton of shots on the down low.

The golf course is surrounded by ridiculously beautiful homes.

The entire day was just full of abundance for me. By far my happiest activity so far!

Day 6: Getting Cooked For

Another guy I hang with sometimes, D, came over to cook dinner for me tonight and brought me a pretty orchid too. :love:

It was a fun evening. But I guess it’s not hard to have a fun evening when someone comes over to cook for you. ha ha.

After dinner we went to a screening of The Life of Pi in 3D.

It was a great Sunday evening happy activity. Laid back and easy.

Day 7: Sleep Over
Holy crap I can’t believe it’s already been a week!!! I am so enjoying this challenge.

Today M asked if he could sleep over so we could have some cuddle time. No sex, just an old school sleepover.

He doesn’t have time for a girlfriend, too focused on his career right now, and I would like some physical contact while I wait for my man to show up so I said yes. :yes:

It is a new situation for me because it isn’t my ideal but we have an understanding that we are serving a purpose for each other based on where we’re at in our lives at the moment.

It was lovely. We both had different classes we take Monday night so didn’t get back to my house until around 10:30. He sat on the couch doing some reading, while I finished up some work.

Then we went to bed cuddled for a bit, talked about our classes and went to sleep.

I find it interesting how a few of my actions are spontaneously chosen the day of. Of course, being a control freak, my intention was to have my happy actions planned out days in advance but I just haven’t had time.

The happy actions are helping me to relax and trust more and go with the flow.

Lesson Learned: For more joy, be open to spur of the moment experiences the Universe brings my way.

Day 8: Old School Happiness

I had a bit of a rough day which made it a good challenge for my happiness action. When I’m stressed it’s harder to stop and take time for myself since my response to stress is to work, work, work, especially when it’s related to money which it kind of was today.

On that note, I knew I wanted to do a laid back happy action today. Something that doesn’t require a lot of effort.

I managed to stop working just a little after 6:30p…yaay for that.

Turned on the television just as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer came on. Every year I say I want to watch it but never take the time to find out when it’s coming on and so I usually miss it.

This year synchronicity was on my side, so I jumped at the chance! I bopped my head or sang along to the songs and laughed at how dated some of the dialogue is.

Day 9: Stand-Up Comedy & A Bike Ride

My car broke down on Monday and it still isn’t fixed so my mode of transportation at the moment is my bicycle.

I’m currently taking a beginner stand-up comedy class. The advanced class had a showcase at the comedy store tonight.

So I hopped on my handy, dandy bike and rode over there. It was a crisp evening but the air felt great as I started the ride.

Instantaneous happiness.

The students from the advanced class were really good and I did a lot of laughing which is awesome given it’s always a crap shoot with newbie comics.

Day 10: Hip Hop, Matt Damon and Dinner

So the unexpected happiness that happened today…

I rarely watch livestream events through the SAG foundation but for some reason was drawn to watch the Matt Damon livestream.

The Q&A with him was sooooo inspiring for me. I got really excited about being in the entertainment business.

My young friend D, came over tonight spur of the moment and took me for sushi down the street.

My planned happy action today was to go to Hip Hop class. I hadn’t been in months so knew I would probably be completely uncoordinated. Dancing to music just makes me happy.

I videotaped part of the class but unfortunately this guy…

…managed to be in front of the camera almost the entire time.

I did manage to catch a glimpse of me getting my -> groove on at one point.

My knees are jacked up from sliding across the floor but I held my own.

I felt pretty crappy all day physically but felt great after class.

Hip Hop class is definitely a go-to happiness action. It gets 4 out of 5 happy smiles – – –

Day 11: A Little Pampering

Today I had no interest in doing something to make me happy.

I was working on the website and having some technical difficulties that were stressing me out.

It was getting late but thanks to being accountable to you, I pulled my ass up out of my chair and did a little pampering in the bathroom.

I think this is significant because even though it wasn’t my most enjoyable happy action, the fact that I got up and did something nurturing instead of sitting at my computer until I fell into bed from exhaustion is a great improvement for me.

Day 13: Spur of the moment Happiness

Today’s happy actions were all spontaneous happenings.

Went to my favorite yoga class this morning only to discover the teacher I love wasn’t teaching today.

The sub had been there a couple of months ago for this class and it was horrible.

Last time she arrived ten minutes late, didn’t apologize and on top of that was so bad as a teacher that people were rolling their eyes and complaining to each other throughout the class.

When she walked in this morning, late and unapologetic again, I immediately rolled up my mat and left.

This isn’t normal behavior for me. Normally I would have stayed and stuck it out not wanting to offend the teacher. But instead I chose to value my time and not waste an hour of it with someone who was half assing it.

So I walked out and did some sun salutations on my own.

I felt great for honoring myself in this way.

Just as my planned happy activity for the day got cancelled, another friend B, called wanting to go out to dinner.

He scooped me up and off we went to a cute, out of the way noodle joint that he picked.

The food was inexpensive and cheap. I decided to try a dish I’d never had before.

It was sooooo good. Rarely does food make me happy but this meal really did.

Something I forgot to mention over the weekend but want to have a record of.

I need to get enough sleep every night in order to be happy.

I know it’s obvious but it’s really important for me to remember that the day after a late night is not going to be cute for me.  My outlook on life is really bad and I lose hope really quickly.

Day 14: A Simple Walk & Taking Risks

Yaay! Two weeks in.

Today was the last session for a stand-up class I’ve been taking. For the last class we had to put together a minute routine that we perform in front of everyone.

Needless to say I was stressed working on my routine today. I decided to break up my rehearsal time with an hour walk up in the hills behind my house.

There’s not much to say about the walk. I love walks so it’s a pretty easy happy action for me.

I was also happy with the risks I took in standup class.

I came up with some good stuff moments before performing my one minute routine and decided to throw it in there and wing it. Doing this scared the sh*t out of me.  It wasn’t perfect but it was an awesome experience.

Lesson Learned: Even though the moments leading up to taking a risk can be nerve-racking, being brave and going for it can make you happy.

Day 15: Asking For Happiness

Today was interesting due to seeing a rat last night in my apartment that I trapped in my living room.

Needless to say, my plans for today got shot. I had the handy man turn my living room upside down looking for the critter, only to discover it had escaped through an opening in the fireplace.

Directv was scheduled to be installed in my apartment today. When the technician learned about the rat he refused to go underneath the building and started drilling holes in the wall, running exposed cable inside my apartment.

I asked him to put the wires for the Directv where the outlets had already been installed so wires would be in the wall instead of all over my apartment.

He went into intimidation mode and told me he’d been doing this for 3 years and had never had to deal with rats.  Under no circumstances was he going under the building.

Instead of accepting his response I requested he call for another technician to come out who didn’t mind going under the building.

He called his supervisor who came out and said it was no problem to do the wiring how I liked.

Yaay for me giving the finger to intimidation.

Directv is installed and there are no wires. I am happy.

Lesson Learned:  Don’t feel bad about asking for what you want, it will make you happy.

Day 17: Sex

So I stopped working around 4:30p took a relaxing shower and then had sex for the rest of the evening.

It’s an interesting experience for me interacting with this guy. He’s also the guy that I had a sleepover with. We have discussed our compatibility and agree we would never be good as a couple. But we like and care for each other and are very attracted to each other. We also inspire each other creatively which I love.

We had fun, laughing and talking about stuff in between romping around.

The lesson for me is learning to embrace abundance that comes to me in all it’s forms, especially when it doesn’t fit into the picture of my ideal. Personally, I would prefer to be having sex in a committed relationship.

I am taking actions to have my ideal, going out on dates, being open to the men I encounter, honoring what I want in a man as far as being in relationship goes.

Lesson Learned: Practice happiness by enjoying what the universe offers you in the present moment.

Day 18: Heat & LOLs

Today is pretty cold in La La and since my apt. is always cold, it’s REALLY cold in my place today.

I decided to have my heat on all day at a level that was comfortable for me.

This is significant because I grew up in a household where my mom hated turning up the heat. Her response to me saying I was cold was to tell me to go do some work or put on more layers of clothing.

As a result I stress out turning on heat for long periods of time.

Today I let go of that inherited worry and chose to be comfortable all day and night.

Tonight I also watched a funny movie that made me laugh out loud several times.

Realization: My ideal would be to laugh out loud at least once every day.

Day 19: Playing Games

Tonight I hung out with my friend D. We grabbed something to eat and then went to an arcade and played games.

I played with Coldplay on Guitar Hero…

…looked cool on a motorcycle…

…and looked a fool trying to do this dance game.

Day 20: Beautiful Bentley

Today my friend V went with me to test drive a Bentley.

I have this car on my vision board as a representation of the level of abundance I deserve.

Every time I see a Bentley on the street I take it as a reminder from the Universe that I have abundance and can have as much as I want.

I am still working on believing that I am deserving of this level of abundance so this was a great action for me on many levels besides being my happy action for the day.

Sitting in the car was heavenly. There is something to be said for the luxury that comes with a $174,000 car.

Even the names given for the colors of the car are lovely…. Anthracite exterior with a belluga and hotspur interior!

I was very uncomfortable going into the dealership and asking to test drive a car.

I learned a great lesson in how bold behavior affects how much abundance, and happiness for that matter, can enter your life.

These actions have shown me how much power I have over my happiness.

Lesson Learned: As much as I’m willing to ask for and receive is as much as I will get.

Day 22: One Of My Best Girlfriends!!!
One of my dearest girlfriends was in town shooting footage for the show she’s currently directing and we hooked up for dinner.

Went to a fun, hip place in Downtown LA called Perch which is in a beautiful art deco building on the top floor with great views of the city.

We chatted for close to four hours while eating and drinking and laughing.

Confirmation: The ultimate in happiness is sharing time with great friends.

Day 23: A Nap, Quentin and Making Someone Else Happy
I was up late the night before finishing my blog post and so was kind of fuzzy all day.

Decided to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon for an hour. Felt much better afterwards. I love taking naps in the middle of the day.  That ended up being today’s mini-happy action.

I didn’t want to include happy things connected to work because of my workaholism but I decided to make an exception.

I took my friend B to see a screening of Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino’s next film that is coming out Xmas day.

The screening was at the Samuel Goldwyn Theater which is also home to the Oscars.

I thought my happy action would be going to a special screening of this film, but it turns out the really happy action was watching B so excited to be there.

He took a picture with Oscar.

It turns out Quentin Tarantino is his favorite director and Quentin did a Q&A after the screening.

Then there was a reception after the movie & Q&A and Brandon continued to have so much fun enjoying the free food and the atmosphere.

It made me happy to see him so happy.

Lesson Learned:  Making others happy is a great way to make you happy.

 Day 25: Fireplace
So I asked my landlord a week or so ago about splitting the cost for installing an electric fireplace in my living room.

I then paused, because I started getting nervous about money and told him I needed a few days to think about it.

It wasn’t so much spending the money but that I also want to take an improv class in the new year and I didn’t think I could afford to do both.

I asked my friend V what he thought and he asked me how long I had been wanting to do the improve class. Only two or three months. He didn’t ask about the fireplace.

But when I reflected on that same question to do with the fireplace the answer was I’ve wanted a fireplace for over ten years!

So after one of my girlfriends was cheerleading buying the fireplace I ordered it today.

Yaay! I am very excited. It will be nice not to heat up my apartment with my oven.

I also realized that this is the first day of my happy challenge that is connected to actually buying something.

I am not good with buying things for myself so I think this is an important day for me. I’ll never be a big spender but there are some things that when I buy them makes me really happy.

Day 26: San Francisco -> Lake Tahoe
Today I flew to San Francisco to meet my brother and mom and then we drove up to Lake Tahoe.

I was complaining a bit about all that is entailed in packing up and leaving for a few days but when I got to the airport I realized I was really excited to get away for a bit.

I was even more excited to go up to Lake Tahoe for Xmas.

It has been years since I spent Xmas in a lot of snow and they are expecting 5 feet in the next couple of days!

There was A LOT of snow driving up the mountain. I used to love being out in the snow as a kid and it was equally fun this time, especially since my brother was driving.

Day 27: Snow Woman

It was a winter wonderland when I looked outside the window this morning.

So much snow I decided today my happy action would be to make a snow woman.

Here she is in all her glory.

As I write this, the snow is really coming down.

I may double up my happy actions today and go out for a walk in the snow. It’s soooo beautiful and not that cold.

Day 28: Spa
Today my happy action was taken care of for me because my brothers gave me and my mom a spa day at the Hyatt in Lake Tahoe for Xmas.

Not much else to say. It was lovely. Hot stone massage. Sitting in the eucalyptus steam room.  Sitting in the relaxing area by the fire place sipping water and eating yummy little snacks.

Enjoying a mimosa while getting a manicure.

Btw, I did decide to go for a walk yesterday. It was awesome.

Day 30: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

I thought this challenge was going to be hard but it actually wasn’t. I enjoyed having a moment each day when I had to pause and say “What will I do today to make me happy?”

I think the reason it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be is because I already do a lot of happy things but don’t realize or acknowledge them.

I must adjust my mindset around that.

This challenge did put happiness to the forefront of my mind more so than usual. I may not have gone to an oral sex workshop, played at an arcade or test drove a Bentley if not for the challenge.

For Day 30 my brothers, my mom and I went out to a lodge connected to the Hyatt in Lake Tahoe and had some food and drinks, sat by the fire and looked out over the lake.

Then, because we were in Nevada, I suggested we check out the casino in the hotel.

I have never been in a casino so I thought it would be fun.

I was immediately intimidated, especially because it’s a room connected to betting your money away. Ha ha.

My mom was uncomfortable too and it was rubbing off on me.

My mom and I ended up playing the slots for a couple of minutes.

So the interesting thing about my happy action today is that I didn’t really enjoy it.

The casino was not fun. Okay maybe watching my brothers play 21 was a little fun but definitely not my kind of place. My mom and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Lesson Learned: Discovering more about what makes you happy is trying new things and sometimes realizing “huh, that wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”

In Reflection

It’s been a couple of months since I completed that challenge.

After completing this one and a yoga challenge a couple of months earlier, I’ve come to see how these experiences make your world come alive.

Maybe it’s because they give you a new purpose to focus on for a minute.

Maybe it’s because you’re honoring a desire you’ve had bubbling inside.

I’m not sure, but what I do know is both those 30 day chunks of time remain very vivid in my mind.

I wouldn’t have expected it given I was tied to having to do something for 30 days straight, but these challenges made me feel free.

And when I remember them now I reconnect to that sense of freedom.

You know what it feels like? It feels like I am F.L.Y.ing.

How do you feel about doing a 30 day challenge? If we organized a group 30 day challenge would you be interested in participating? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Towards the end of last year loneliness was kicking my ass.

My confidence was low, I felt anti-social and stuck in a rut.

In an attempt to fight the funk, I started doing 30 day challenges.

My first challenge was 30 days of yoga.

Next I did a 30 day happiness challenge where I had to do one thing every day that made me happy.

I experienced so many benefits from these challenges. They had a huge impact on my gloom and doom. They were also a great way to explore new behavior without the overwhelm that comes with a long-term commitment.

Basically, participating in one is a win/win.

Doing A 30 Day Challenge Is Simple

I stumbled upon this great TED talk on 30 day challenges by Matt Cutts, an engineer at Google.

Highlights from the video:

• How? Think about something you’ve always wanted to add or subtract from your life and try it for the next 30 days.
• 30 day challenges are great for when you’re feeling stuck in rut.
• They can make your life more memorable.
• They increase your self-confidence and make you more adventurous.
• If you want something bad enough, you can do anything for 30 days.
• Small changes over 30 days tend to be more likely to stay in your life.
• The next 30 days are going to pass whether you like it or not so why not do something you have always wanted to try.

Tips For Getting The Most Out Of Your 30 Days

Next week I’ll be going into detail about my 30 days of happiness challenge.

Here’s some things I learned from my experience:

• Picking something you’re passionate about or have been wanting to do for a long time will help you stay committed throughout the 30 days. In other words, don’t half ass it.
• Tell others what you’re doing or have someone do the challenge with you. This will keep you accountable and less likely to quit.
• Prepare as best you can for the days when you’re swamped or don’t feel in the mood.
  During my 30 days of yoga I had a twenty minute video I popped in and did in my living room when getting to an hour and a half class wasn’t possible.
• Doing a mini version of your challenge is better than stopping.

It’s a powerful act to do something for 30 days straight.

Make the challenge your first priority and it will change your life. I guarantee it.

What 30 day challenge would you like to try? Tell us in the comments below. If you’re feeling really bold tell us when you’re going to start, then come back to report on the experience.